The Crazy Words of Men
We are neither the Heidi Klum's or the Jade Goody's of the world. As three perfectly normal 19 and 20 year old girls, we frequently find ourselves shocked at the comments made to us by people of the opposite sex. Some are outrageous, some are funny, some are grostesque but most of them are downright sleazy. Most of all they are 100% true. We must however clear up now that we are not complete slut bags. We haven't slept with bucket loads of men, it just seems that every sexual experience we have, involves some classic lines.
Let us share........
Russian's experiences
-On waking up after a drunken night in a so called "friend" 's bed.........
"move your leg over, I keep getting a hard-on".
-On telling a cheating toe rag exactly what I thought of his blatant infidelity behind his girlfriend's back, his attempt to charm his way out of the situation.....
"From the moment I saw you, I always knew that you were the one with a head on your shoulders"
-On telling a drunken male friend I couldn't stay at his because I had work the next day.....
"Fine, you think I just want sex. Drive home safe you bitch"
-After meeting someone I took to be the perfect gentlemen and allowing him to stay in my bed, I thought I was on to a winner. He txted me as soon as he left and he was fully of pleasantries. I txted him to ask if we would like to go to the cinema the following week........
(and I quote) "Naaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhh, let's get pissed up then fuck"
-Speaking to a druken acquaintance at uni
"Look me in the eye and tell me it wouldn't be amazing"
(For the record, it was far from amazing)
-After breaking up with my first boyfriend and sharing my first kiss in the local graveyard, he said
"I'm not gonna be able to get a new girlfriend for ages, so can we...ummm.....u know....do some stuff now, just to see what it's like?"
-After trying, and failing to have sex under a cricket tent
"At least we know you're not pregnant"
-In bed with my one and only one night stand, his phone kept ringing. He would answer saying
"naargh don't be silly I'm not with another girl"
Who was that, I asked
He responded it was his "nutty ex-gf who wouldn't leave him the hell alone"
See him a few months later
I ask, "that was your gf on the phone wasn't it?"
"Yes".
He continues, "my mates over there think they have a chance with you because you slept with me. You interested?"
No I bloody well was not.
-Working in my hell hole shop the other day and two guy came in.................
"Can I have a pack of Marlboro Lights and some condoms?"
"Yes", I reply, without so much as batting an eyelid, "which condoms do you want?"
At which point, both started roaring with laughter. Through the hysterics, one managed to splutter, "that was only a joke, I don't want the condoms"
Right.............so they thought it was funny that they weren't having sex then? It is important note that these men were both in their mid-20s. And they sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.......
Let us share........
Russian's experiences
-On waking up after a drunken night in a so called "friend" 's bed.........
"move your leg over, I keep getting a hard-on".
-On telling a cheating toe rag exactly what I thought of his blatant infidelity behind his girlfriend's back, his attempt to charm his way out of the situation.....
"From the moment I saw you, I always knew that you were the one with a head on your shoulders"
-On telling a drunken male friend I couldn't stay at his because I had work the next day.....
"Fine, you think I just want sex. Drive home safe you bitch"
-After meeting someone I took to be the perfect gentlemen and allowing him to stay in my bed, I thought I was on to a winner. He txted me as soon as he left and he was fully of pleasantries. I txted him to ask if we would like to go to the cinema the following week........
(and I quote) "Naaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhh, let's get pissed up then fuck"
-Speaking to a druken acquaintance at uni
"Look me in the eye and tell me it wouldn't be amazing"
(For the record, it was far from amazing)
-After breaking up with my first boyfriend and sharing my first kiss in the local graveyard, he said
"I'm not gonna be able to get a new girlfriend for ages, so can we...ummm.....u know....do some stuff now, just to see what it's like?"
-After trying, and failing to have sex under a cricket tent
"At least we know you're not pregnant"
-In bed with my one and only one night stand, his phone kept ringing. He would answer saying
"naargh don't be silly I'm not with another girl"
Who was that, I asked
He responded it was his "nutty ex-gf who wouldn't leave him the hell alone"
See him a few months later
I ask, "that was your gf on the phone wasn't it?"
"Yes".
He continues, "my mates over there think they have a chance with you because you slept with me. You interested?"
No I bloody well was not.
-Working in my hell hole shop the other day and two guy came in.................
"Can I have a pack of Marlboro Lights and some condoms?"
"Yes", I reply, without so much as batting an eyelid, "which condoms do you want?"
At which point, both started roaring with laughter. Through the hysterics, one managed to splutter, "that was only a joke, I don't want the condoms"
Right.............so they thought it was funny that they weren't having sex then? It is important note that these men were both in their mid-20s. And they sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.......
posted by witchsofeastwick at 7:29 AM
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